Tuesday, September 26, 2006

New Blog

There's a lot of stuff I like. My friend Hayley has a great blog set up with recommendations on good stuff- it's called Things That Are Nice. With her permission, I'm starting to do the same thing with products, books, etc. that have helped me in my pregnancy and/or mom-ish-ness. It's called Good Stuff for Moms, mostly because the term "Good Things" is kind of taken. Anything from diapers to not getting rid of the cat, whenever I think of it. Because let's face it: nobody knows mom/ kid stuff better than us moms, right? Feel free to contact me if you have any suggestions!

www.goodstuffmoms.blogspot.com

kathleen.sparkes@gmail.com

Saturday, September 23, 2006

A Simple Equation

I'm not much good at math, and I have no trouble admitting that. There's one particular equation that I'm having trouble with right now: How to make $650 in bills and $450 in rent come out of an $800 paycheque. We've already got so little in the bank that we're actually in overdraft on our overdraft, and all of the credit cards are full... except the new one that Canadian Tire was foolish enough to give us. I kind of would rather not use it, for obvious reasons.

The good news is that, now that I'm back to work, we'll have a little more money coming in. Not more than I was getting from EI when I was on maternity leave, but some. The bad news is that I won't get my first paycheque for at least a week, possibly 2 (depending on how the pay schedule goes). The other good news is that I have a great business now with Discovery Toys... the bad news is that now that I'm working, I have no time to work at it. And on and on it goes...

I'm happy with what we have, generally speaking. I don't need to go out and buy new clothes, and I'm just as happy getting books out of the library as I am buying them (and where would I keep them, anyway?). We get free movie rentals from A's work. I don't need to buy a lot of "stuff" or turn my home into a showplace, though I wish we could get A. more of the little things that he wants. I enjoy eating out, but cooking's OK... I just prefer to cook nicer things that Kraft Dinner a la wieners. And being able to pay the power and phone bills would be really great.

I keep telling myself that we're just in a temporary tight spot, but that's what I've been telling myself for the last 3 1/2 years. We're not big spenders, it's just that there's always something coming along that needs to get paid for, and it often ends up going on the credit cards: car repairs, moving half-way across the country, maternity leave... groceries...

Please keep your fingers crossed for us, and pray that we get approved for interest relief on A's student loans- that would give us a little breathing room for a few months. Finding a winning lottery ticket stuck to the bottom of my shoe would be nice, too. Whatever.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Acting Rashly

Don't tell my husband... I'm pretty sure our son has a yeast infection.

He's had this diaper rash for a week now, and it's not getting better. Yesterday I found out that his cousin, who we saw in Ontario, has a really bad one, too. They took her to the doctor, and yeah, it's a yeast infection.

Obviously this isn't exactly the same as the one that women get (and which makes them want to take a nail file to themselves because the itching is so bad*), but apparently the rash is caused by the same (ulp!) fungus. Mom said they had to go the the foot care aisle at the drugstore to get 1% something-or-other Canesten cream, which apparently is used to treat athlete's foot. That's probably a good thing; I can only imagine asking A. to pick a little something up from the "feminine care" aisle for our son!

* I sincerely apologize to anyone who has never had one for that mental image.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Leave of Absence

Well, my maternity leave is officially over. I'd like to thank the Government of Canada for having a system set up in such a way that I was able to spend an entire year with my Simon. I just can't imagine living in the USA, where moms have to go back to work after 6 weeks! True, we missed my full-time income, but we survived. It was wonderful; it wasn't easy, but it was a great year.

But now it's back to reality. Not full-time reality; no, daycare is too expensive for that. Maybe if I had a high-paying job it would make sense, but now almost my entire paycheque would have to go to paying for it. If I'm not making any money off being out at work, I'd rather spend the time with my little buddy, thanks very much. No, I'm back to work part-time as of this past Sunday. I'm working when A. isn't, when he can be home with Simon. This setup means no daycare costs, but very little time together. I guess all we can do is make the most of the time we do have... I'll let you know how that goes!

My first 2 shifts have been alright. You know, I had forgotten that I really liked my job before I was pregnant. The last 5 months I worked before I went on leave were full of serious depression, backaches, sore feet, migraines and exhaustion, none of which make you real happy to be on your feet dealing with the public 8 hours a day. In general, retail sucks- I can say this with some authority, having worked in many stores (both as management and as a part-time lackey) in my brief working life. The store I'm at now is great, though- maybe it's because it's a thrift store and there's less pressure to sell, but I think it's mostly the people. Both stores I've worked at for VV have had great, supportive staff and managers, and it makes a big difference when it comes to job satisfaction. It doesn't make it all better when you're 7 months pregnant and having a migraine/stabbing back pain/my feet are falling off day, but it helps.

But that's not what I was going to tell you about... I was saying that my first 2 shifts have been good. Sunday was an 8-hour shift, which was long for a first day back on my feet, but it was alright. I forgot some stipid little things, like how to enter credit card payments into the register (minor issue, no big deal), but most things came back to me quickly. It was fun to talk to grown-ups again, and I enjoyed not being sick of anything yet- being on cash, fitting rooms, cleaning up the heinous mess that customers leave behind... it was all good! And here's the best thing: I got breaks! I haven't had an actual, scheduled break in a year!

OK, I missed Simon. I'm glad he was home with his Daddy, though- I knew they'd have fun together. I think I would have been dealing with serious separation anxiety if he'd been anywhere else- mine, not his.

And we've already had our first scheduling conflict- last night we both had to work. We got a babysitter, it was OK, shouldn't happen again. Which means it will, but we'll deal with it.

I know the novelty of adult conversation and breaks will wear off, especially as Halloween gets closer and it takes until 1 in the morning to get out of the store (thanks to the aforementioned heinous mess). There will be a lot of days when I'd rather stay at home and get the stuff done that I used to have all day to do. For now, though, being back to work's not so bad.

Ask me again when I have to get there in the middle of a snowstorm.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Ow, My Noggin!

Ow. Ow. Ow.

It's a headache day again. It might be caffeine withdrawal- I was drinking a LOT of tea with mom last week. Or it might be the weather, or the fact that I just found out that my first shift back at work is going to be 8 hours this Sunday. In any case, I'm achin'. And don't you just love it when I whine about it?

I usually take Advil (or rather, the generic equivalent- my head hurts too much to spell ibu-whatever right now), but we don't have any in the house right now. All I've got is Tylenol Ultra Relief, which is supposed to be great for migraines, but does bugger-all for me. Curse you, clever advertising!!! Now I have no good stuff. It's OK- I took 2 anyway. My head might still hurt, but maybe I won't care after a while.

Anyone got a bottle of wine? Anyone?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A Change is as Good as a Rest

Simon and I have been in Ontario for almost a week now; we leave tomorrow. It's been a good trip, and I've enjoyed myself. Simon was an angel on the plane, and the 3 hour flight only seemed to take about 5... We arrived in Toronto and were greeted at the luggage carousel by my mom and sister-in-law, who had ignored the massive "RESTRICTED AREA" signs on the doors and rushed in to meet us. It was a long drive to Hamilton with a very tired baby, and a late evening for both of us, but it was so good to be back with everyone. I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again; if I could just get my family and friends from Ontario to move to Newfoundland, everything would be perfect!

Simon and I went on a road trip with my parents to Elmira, NY for an overnight with my aunt and her kids- it was Simon's first really long car trip as well as his first visit to the United States. He didn't seem especially impressed with either. Still, he was a good little guy again, very well behaved in the car and a pleasant house-guest, unless you count the KFC art-installation on the living room floor.

The best part of the trip has been watching Simon playing with Noah, his cousin, who is a few months younger than him but who is doing pretty much everything he is... I think it's a girl thing. They crawl around together, exploring the furniture, trading toys and yelling. Simon's current favourite word is "Dad," which gets more than a little embarrassing when he yells it at every man we see at the mall. Noah prefers yelling "rah-rah-rah!" like the world's smallest cheerleader and making noises that sound distinctly Wookie-ish. Their little "symphony in the key of Baby" is delightful, even when it's waking you up from a nap!

They say a change is as good as a rest, and I've learned this week that it's almost true. I'm still waiting for my days off, but having a change of scenery and routine for a week has refreshed me as well as an actual vacation might have. I've been changing as many diapers as I do every other week, I've spent every day with Simon, and my sleep has been interrupted even more than it is at home, but I feel good. Not rested, mind you, but good. I'm ready to go home and face what's waiting there; going back to work, trying to do my toy business so that I can stop going back to work, keeping the house in order and continuing to try my best to raise a relatively normal kid.

Life is good.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Time Flies

A few nights ago Simon started crying in his sleep. This isn't unusual, and I usually give him a boob, he eats a little and goes back to sleep, everyone's happy. Ever since his top teeth started coming in, though, I've been a little sore, so I fixed him a bottle instead. He was fine with that; he didn't even wake up. And for some reason I started to cry.

I guess I cried because we had made it almost a year breastfeeding... and I realized that I have no idea where that year went. I have tried to appreciate every day I've had with my baby, even the tough ones, and it still wasn't enough. I'm so proud of the little boy my baby is growing into, but I miss the tiny little guy who relied on me for everything. It seems like just a few months ago that I was holding that little bundle with the big blue eyes for the first time. Wasn't it a couple of weeks ago that he smiled at me for the first time? When he sat up all by himself and looked so proud? How did Simon go so quickly from the new little fellow who just ate, slept, cried and pooped to this sturdy toddler who pulls up to cruise along the furniture, who knows how to make a video play on the VCR, and who would like to feed himself this time, thanks-very much? (and who still eats, sleeps, cries and poops...)

This is how it's supposed to be; the ultimate goal of parenting is to raise a child who can live his own life. Independence is a good thing... right? Sure it is. But it breaks Mommy's heart, too. Every step he takes toward being his own person is a step he takes away from me. He went from living inside of me to existing as an individual the day he was born, but he still needed me for everything. Then he learned to amuse himself... and hold his own bottle... and eat real people-food... how to tell me "no, that's not what I want right now, Mommy"... and to get himself where he wants to go. I'm so happy that he's growing into a sweet, happy, normal kid, but it's a bittersweet happiness.

The good news is that I still have quite a few years of being one of the most important people in Simon's life. I hope that even when he's a big boy, he'll still know that I'll always be his Mommy, and I'll be here whenever he needs me. My hope for these next years is that he'll spread his wings wider and wider until he's ready to take off and fly on his own... but I'll always he here to catch him if he falls.